Avoidance - Day 9

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to intentionally keep myself deluded and avoid facing myself in relation to writing about specific points within me, doing things that must be done regardless, taking the physical actions necessary in fixing/sorting my life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid myself and my reality 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a habit/pattern in relation to avoidance/avoiding things that MUST be done

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid myself, people, necessary actions that must be taken, not realizing that it will better my life and all I have to do is push through that ‘resistance’, ‘energetic attachment’ I created in relation to avoidance

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize the many things I’ve ‘avoided’ doing, taking actions for, sorting my life out was from the starting point of ‘fear’, in which it created ‘regret’ for lost time as these things I ‘avoided’, I eventually had to do regardless, but ‘mind participation’  within the many forms it exist, created much ‘resistance’, in which I ‘thought’, ‘felt’ I was ‘lazy’ while in reality, I was participating within so much ‘energy’ in my mind in the form of thoughts, feelings, beliefs, ideas, judgements, desires, comparisons, memories, fears, worries, concerns, doubts, images, past/future projections, energy, patterns, habits , constructs which in its totality , ‘confused’ the shit out of me, so I did not have the tools or the know how to even get started in relation to the things I was ‘avoiding in my physical reality’, it was a true mind fuck

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the opportunity to sort my life out and doing/taking the necessary steps that would indeed fix many aspects of my life due to ‘avoidance’ and ‘avoiding’ these things simply due to ‘mind participation’ and it focusing HERE, in breath, thus losing myself in my mind within the many patterns/systems/constructs that I’ve created within me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that in addressing the things I’ve been ‘avoiding’ in my life, that it could bring much inner peace, clarity within my mind, almost like taking weight off your shoulders, each thing I avoided was like an individual brick piling on, one by one, and as years past, it got too heavy In Which I had no choice but to address it, and as I’ve been addressing these crucial points in my life, I physically feel lighter, my mind doesn’t feel as foggy/clouded/inflated as I take each individual brick/point off my shoulders

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how the accumulation of the act of ‘avoiding’ things, addressing what’s really going in your mind, specific people, specific actions that at some point will need actions being take, will overtime feel like a burden, and once you address them years later, it will ‘feel’ like too much, the ‘feeling’ of being overwhelmed due to years of inaction , so it’s better to address these things you avoid sooner than later, because after a specific period of time, you will need to stand up and address them, so it’s better to take action as soon as possible as letting this feeling/emotion of avoidance build up, will cause much ‘resistance’, ‘friction’, ‘fear’ when you do decide to stand 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for ‘blaming’ specific people, myself, the world for this habit/pattern/construct of ‘avoidance’ I created within as I was the sole creator of it, I chose to participate within this behaviour which eventually became an automated programming in which I would live out for years to come

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create extreme ‘self judgement’ in relation to ‘avoidance’ , ‘feeling’ as if there’s something wrong with me, like I’m less than others, that I don’t have the abilities to overcome this, which were also self creations in which I ‘participated within my mind’ within creating these ‘doubts’ within what I can and can’t do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘doubt’ my abilities in what I can and can’t achieve within my world due to many years of participation in the ‘feeling, action, emotion’ of avoidance, in which I built an energetic attachment to it, and eventually beLIEving all these ‘thoughts’ to be real, when in reality, it was specific ‘mind participation’ within ‘thoughts/energy’, in which I created these ‘doubts’ in my abilities 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize how this one point has affected every aspect of my life as it currently exist, in which there was much manifested consequences due to me ‘beLIEving’ this ‘feeling/emotion/action’ was real when it in fact isn’t and is completely self created through ‘mind participation’ 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose trust within myself and the abilities I have, all due to constantly ‘avoiding’ things not seeing/realizing I was creating specific habits/patterns/constructs within me , in which I refused to stand up for myself, and my life within self responsibility , and finding every excuse I could to not stand up for myself/my life and ‘avoid’ addressing crucial aspects of my life that needed attention

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘avoid’ aspects of my life in relation to sorting my ‘mind’, relationships, health, education, friendships, money , all which needed much introspection/attention

I commit myself to no longer ‘avoid’ things that absolutely must be addressed in my life in all aspects mind/body and my physical reality

I commit myself to write about and open all points in my life in which the ‘avoidance’ pattern/habit/construct has manifested

I commit myself to no longer ‘fear’ the necessary actions that must be taken in relation to all the things I’ve ‘avoided’ and walk through any/all ‘resistance’ that exists within those points

I commit myself to no longer create any more thoughts, ideas, beliefs, memories, experiences, projections, judgements, fears, worries, doubts, concerns, annoyances, anger towards myself, others and the world in relation to this habit/pattern/construct of ‘avoidance’ 

I commit myself to no longer try to ‘think’, ‘feel’ my way out of the ‘avoidance’ pattern/habit/construct , and to take all the necessary actions needed to sort this point out, as it will take many actions/movements in relation to al aspects of my life 

I commit myself to no longer ‘suppress’ this ‘feeling/emotion/action’ of ‘avoidance’ , and address it head on

I commit myself within my self writing, self forgiveness, find the origin/root cause as to why I created this habit/pattern/construct in the many aspects of my life it exists in, and in doing so, never go back to/recreate this habit/pattern/construct in my life again

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